I’ve always wanted to be a mom. From the time I played house with my younger brothers to the time I was deciding on a college major; I’ve always felt my whole life has revolved around this one hope: that I wanted to be a mom someday.
And now it’s real.
Now I’m a mom.
As soon as the doctor delivered Myles into my arms set him on my chest at the wee hours of the morning, it felt real... and completely surreal at the same time.
To me, birth is a juxtaposition of things. It’s beautiful and ugly. It’s quiet and loud. It’s funny and sacred. It’s incredibly slow and incredibly fast. It’s expected and completely unexpected.
It started out completely unexpected when I went into the hospital for a routine heart monitor check. Something doctors do when you’re pregnant past your due date just to make sure everything is still okay in there.
I was grumbly about this extra visit to the hospital. It seemed superfluous. Especially since this routine check-up was just days before my induction date. Time was more precious than usual for me and this visit just seemed to waste some of it.
I’d been sitting in a reclined chair with heart monitors strapped to my tummy for over an hour when the nurse came back in and showed me a dip in my charts.
“See that?” She said, “That’s a contraction. You’re going to have a baby.”
I stared in disbelief and said, “Like, right now?!”
And she said, “Yes. I’ve been talking to a doctor down in labor and delivery and we’d like to admit you now and not have you wait any longer to have this baby.”
I almost burst into tears but instead I just sat there in the chair for a second digesting what was about to happen.
And then I called John, “Don’t panic but we’re going to have a baby right now.” John laughed in disbelief and showed up in a jiffy with our hospital bag, camera and snacks. I don’t think I’d ever been more happy to see him.
My labor was over 36 hours and I pushed longer than any other birth story I’ve ever heard. So friend, if you’ve had to push a long time during your first birth, I feel you.
Giving birth is such a personal thing. To me, there are fewer things that bring you closer to your husband or God than bringing a life into this world. I’ve never felt so strong, humbled, loved or felt I had so much purpose than after bringing this little babe into the world. I never felt so indebted to John or the incredible nurses and doctor surrounding me. I never appreciated purple popsicles, or sugar-packed sprite with cranberry juice, epidurals or the words “Breathe! Push! You’re doing amazing!" and "He’s almost here Robyn, He’s almost here!", more.
After hours of labor and while we were waiting for contractions to speed up so I could push more, the doctors bugged me and John about what our new son would be called. “Come on guys, it’s time to decide!” We told them our top three names and told them Myles was probably our favorite. The nurses started cheering for Myles to come on out and I swear after hours and hours of pushing, he finally came when we called him by name. I’ve never loved the sound of a tiny cry more.
A few hours after Myles was born I turned to John with tears streaming down my face (hormones) and said, “I just love him so much. Let’s have another one.” And John laughed out loud and said, “I’m putting this on record. I think you may be the only woman in the world who wants to have another child so quickly after birth.”
But it made sense to me because like I've told you, I’ve always wanted to be a mom. ;)
Love you friends. Thank you for being patient with me as I settle into this new role. I see why new moms don’t cook and praise the Lord when they can finally take a shower. I get it. I finally get it. This new life is wonderful and exhausting and I’m trying to soak up every beautiful, messy minute of it, but I promise, there’s more to come. xo