The other day my husband John noticed that I wore jeans for the first time in months. Never mind that there are now parts of me that spill over the jeans resembling one of my favorite breakfast pastries, the point is, I can finally zip them up.
Always failing to see the worst parts of me, John slapped my butt and said, "Hot mama!"
This whole exchange made me laugh and feel attractive, which is also something I haven't felt in months because spandex, hair loss (I'm literally pulling out small nests every time I wash my hair and have a bald spot, FREAKING AGAIN), newfound-breakout-like-I'm-14-again-face and soft bulky sweatshirts can only do so much for your self esteem.
I keep thinking I'm alone in all of this. Like why does no one talk about how motherhood makes you feel like an insane potato sack most of the time? I'm constantly rubbing spit-up or poop off of my pants (my baby's poop, not mine), my hair's up and a gross mess and it's not just my outside that struggles, it's my insides too.
Motherhood for me, is flat out, the hardest thing I've ever done and SUCH a juxtaposition of emotions; several times a day I find myself longing to be back at my fast paced career making money, but a bigger part of me is okay being poor so I can stay home with my son. It's a lot of self doubt mixed with "wow I can't believe I can do this"; it's I JUST changed you into clean clothes when they poop all over themselves again, it's longing for independence but as soon as you're away from your babe you miss them, it's putting everything on the line for them, your sanity, your sleep, your health, your career, everything - at least for me it's been everything. It's breaking me and re-shaping me in the best possible way.
Okay okay, no more early motherhood #momtales. Sorry I keep talking about it. I just feel like we need to talk about it? I have so much more to say about it all too, but have I lost you? Is this boring?
Anyway, these pudding pots are like a butt slap.
They give you that boost you need to feel like you are REALLY attractive in the kitchen. Because they're easy and quick, but taste like you spent days making them. And they're pretty rich too, but the good rich. The kind of rich where the guy still drives around a 10 year old car but makes millions because he's cool and humble like that.
And because motherhood has a way of lathering you in all kinds of humble, today we celebrate that I can zip up my jeans again with chocolate and cream. Love you friends.
chocolate pots de crème
adapted from Melissa Clark, via the New York Times
I make the whipped cream for these babies extra sweet to balance out the rich bittersweetness of the chocolate creme. Cream to balance out more cream. I think it works perfectly.
1 ½ cups / 353ml heavy cream, preferably from pasture-raised cows
½ cup / 118ml whole milk, preferably from pasture-raised cows
3 ounces bittersweet chocolate (think 60% cocao content or higher)
1 ounce unsweetened chocolate, chopped finely
4 egg yolks, preferably from pasture raised eggs
3 tablespoons / 51g sugar
⅛ teaspoon kosher salt (I didn't measure this, I just used a pinch)
cocoa powder, sprinkles or chocolate shavings to garnish, optional
Whip cream with sugar and vanilla in an electric mixer until soft peaks form and spoon on top of the chocolate pots de creme when cooled.
1 cup / 235ml heavy whipping cream
2 tablespoons / 28g sugar
½ - 1 teaspoon vanilla powder, paste or extract
Preheat oven to 300° F / 180° C.
In a medium sized sauce pan heat milk and cream over low heat until it just reaches a boil. Remove from heat immediately and slowly whisk in chopped chocolate.
In a separate, large-ish bowl, whisk egg yolks, salt and sugar together.
Then, using a steady hand, slowly stream the chocolate cream mixture into the yolks, whisking constantly. Tip: Pour just a little bit of the hot cream mixture into the yolks, whisk it furiously, and then continue to poor the rest.
Divide mixture among any oven-proof small-ish cup-like dishes of your choice. Espresso cups, ramekins, jars, etc. I used 4 ounce ramekins the first time I made this and generously filled them and came up with 5 total. Then I used the large dishes you see here and came up with 4.
Set cups on a cookie sheet or roasting pan lined with parchment so the cups don't slip. Carefully pour water into the pan, so it reaches no more than half way up the cups. Don't fret too much about how much water can fit in your pan, the point of the water is to create steam and let the pots cook gently so they don't crack.
Bake until edges are set but the middle remains jiggly, about 30-35 mins. Transfer to a wire rack to cool. Let the chocolate pots continue to cool in the fridge for at least 3 hours before serving. Top with fresh sweet whipped cream and a dusting of cocoa powder.